Your word isn’t mine to worry about.

by Gareth

February 13, 2020

I feel that I leak energy sometimes when other people don’t keep their word. 

I know where it comes from. We were raised that giving our word was one of the most important promises we made. If we say we’re going to do something – do it. If you can’t do it or plans change, communicate. If you RSVP to something it doesn’t matter what comes up after that, you go to the first thing you said yes to. Combine this deeply ingrained childhood lesson with my strong “get things done” attitude and you can count on me to do what I say. 

Here’s where I leak energy. I meet someone in a social environment and we agree to do something. 

“Let’s collaborate on XYZ” or “connect with me tomorrow and we can talk more about that …” 

I make contact as agreed but hear nothing back. 

I know that I should let it go immediately, grateful that they didn’t make contact and then end up moving forward with something that they’re not a full yes to. But, I normally get annoyed about them saying that we were going to do something and not following through. Not honouring their word. Not having the decency to reply with “actually this is not my truth right now I’ll message you if something changes in the future.”

When I unpack it, there are any number of reasons this happens. 

  • In a social environment, people often lead with their feminine. Say things to keep conversation flowing, saying things that we think other people want to hear. 
  • Or, perhaps we aren’t able to own our “no”. It’s easier to say ’let’s connect and chat tomorrow‘ than ‘this isn’t something that I’m interested in right now’. 
  • Or we like the idea of something but don’t want to put in the work required. 

I see this last point with coaching clients. People make contact, wanting to make a change. I give them something to do and suggest they feedback in a few days with how it went, and I never hear from them again. I am guilty of this too. I’ve spent money on online programmes hoping to achieve something and then didn’t put in the work to make it happen. I desired something else more than the program I bought. 

My focus is on owning my “no”, even that means going back to the person that I initially said “yes” to. I am also working on reframing “I’ve been let down by …” to “thank you for not wasting my time with something that wasn’t your truth”. Letting go of the judging part of me that says “why did you bother making contact if you weren’t willing to do the work” to “this person is prioritising other things in their life right now ”. Their motivation to change is lower than that required to do the work. I’ve done the same thing recently when I bought a 12-month callisthenics program and only got through the first week. 

My journey is to not judge the integrity of other people’s words and to ensure that I maintain my own word as the promise I was taught that it is. 

Other resources to share:

Bodywork as a lifestyle design tool – In this week’s Livestream I shared the role that massage and bodywork are having on my Lifestyle Design journey. It’s a powerful tool to release blocked energy, surrender to being present as well as increase body awareness. Join the private Live More Perfect Days Facebook group for free to access this content. (20 min video)

This is why she fell in love with you – Simon Sinek is a master speaker and author. This 3-min video unpacks as a great analogy about how consistency is the key in almost everything from falling in love to getting into shape.
A quote I’m pondering:
Your life is not about you but rather about the lives of the people that you touch.” Neale Donald Walsch


About the author

Gareth is a Lifestyle Designer, a Perfect Day chaser and a minimalist. Based in Guatemala his highest joy is creating content that helps and inspires people to Live More Perfect Days.

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